It always feels so cheap writing these damn profiles, like I'm trying to sell myself or something. Those of you who know me and come here don’t need to know any of this shit, and I don't know if I care enough about those who don’t know me to make the effort.
I guess I'll keep it simple just in case it does become relevant somehow.
Female, 35 years old, divorced. Avid gamer when I can find a GM, self proclaimed geek. A pacifist who occasionally feels the need to kick the shit out of someone or the desire to blow something up. Pagan leftist if I must be pigeonholed, but with views too eclectic and opposing to fit anywhere comfortably. Ambivalent sexuality, fluid personal style. Insecure with delusions of grandeur.
....there you go....
   

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I'm going to cheat here and run a long quote from one of my newest favorite books, AMERICAN GODS by Neil GaimanIt comes startlingly close to my own views. You can find my own rants in my entries and scattered around I can believe things that are true and I can believe things that aren't true and I can believe things where nobody knows if their true or not. I can believe in Santa Clause and the Easter bunny and Marilyn Munro and Elvis. Listen-I believe that people are perfectible, that knowledge is infinite and the world is run by secret banking cartels and visited by aliens on a regular basis, nice ones that look like wrinkly lemurs and bad ones who mutilate our cattle and want our water and our women. I believe that the future sucks and I believe that the future rocks and I believe that one day White Buffalo Woman will come back and kick everyone’s ass. I believe that all men are just overgrown boys with deep problems communicating and that the decline in good sex in America is coincident with the decline in Drive-In movie theaters from state to state. I believe that all politicians are unprincipled crooks but I still believe that they are better than the alternative. I believe that California is going to sink into the sea when the big one comes, while Florida is going to sink into madness and alligators and toxic waste. I believe that antibacterial soap is destroying our resistance to dirt and disease so that one-day we will be wiped out by the common cold like the Martians in The War Of The Worlds. I believe that the greatest poets of the last century were Edith Sitwell and Don Marquis, that jade is dried dragon sperm, that thousands of years ago in a former life I was a one armed Siberian shaman. I believe that mankind’s destiny is in the stars. I believe that candy really did taste better when I was a kid, that its aerodynamically impossible for a bumblebee to fly, that light is a wave and a particle, that there’s a cat in a box somewhere who’s alive and dead at the same time(although if they don’t ever open the box to find out it’ll eventually just be two different kinds of dead), and that there are stars in the universe billions of years older than the universe itself. I believe in a personal God who cares about me and worries and oversees every single thing I do. I believe in an impersonal god who set the universe in motion and went off to hang with her girlfriends and doesn't even know that I'm alive. I believe in an empty and godless universe of casual chaos, background noise and sheer blind luck. I believe that anyone who says sex is overrated just hasn't done it properly. I believe that someone who claims they know what’s going on will lie about the little things too. I believe in absolute honesty and sensible social lies. I believe in a woman’s right to choose, a babies right to live, that while all life is sacred there’s nothing wrong with the death penalty if you can trust the legal system implicitly, and that no-one but a moron would ever trust the legal system. I believe that life is a game, that it is a cruel joke, that its what happens when you’re alive and that you might as well lie back and enjoy it.

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Saturday, October 02, 2004
skewdview

There is a tower I can see from my kitchen window that looks like a cross between a Mechanix construction and something out of the movie Metropolis. I enjoy seeing it before I’ve had coffee and woken fully because it is so surreal that it starts my day slightly off kilter.
I feel better when I’m looking at the world from a little left of center. When I allow the flickers of movement at the corners of my eyes to be sprites and dimensional portals rather than blowing garbage, it makes me much happier.
My reality is so much more interesting and varied than the conventionally accepted one. I’ve managed to recognize and categorize most of my delusions, and the really good ones I don’t share. Most of my leisure time is spent in the company of B-grade Horror movie monsters and Science Fiction heroes, and most of my dreams are filled with Aliens and Fantasy scenarios. Really, when you think about it, who wouldn’t rather be trading riddles with the Sphinx than arguing with the plumber?
I don’t think I do too badly fitting in and making myself a ‘productive member of society’, even if I do listen for whispers in my walls. I seem to have a good work ethic (unfortunately better than most of my fellow employees,) and I’m responsible enough that I keep getting promoted (even when I don’t want to be). My bills get paid, I socialize and I don’t wear a tinfoil hat. No one avoids me on the street so the crazy vibe seems hidden pretty well.
What I wonder is, where are the others? I can’t be the only one around who talks to trees or sees the underpinnings of conspiracy in corporately funded wars. Or am I? Seriously, given the statistical mean, the purely numerical function of finding ‘normal’, there should be at least a few million other whackos that aren’t so far gone they’ve been collected and institutionalized.
If you happen to be one, give me the wave next time you see me on the street. I’ll buy you a coffee.

Posted at 07:52 pm by tamaraleigh

 

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